A codependent person is someone who lets another person’s behavior affect him or her
and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior. Melody Beattie
I want to help everyone, isn’t that what the Bible tells us to do? Well, pick your description.
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Codependent, Unhealthy Helping
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Healthy Helping
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I shift who I am, to what I think you want
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I can voice my own thoughts
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Limits & boundaries feel wrong, selfish
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I respect boundaries & have clear limits
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Life comes to a complete stop & I can’t function when there is conflict
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I understand all relationships have conflicts & I can work through the issues
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I am overly focused on or obsessed with other people and their problems
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I consider other people’s needs while accepting my own needs and limitations
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I often give unsolicited advice; I’m hurt if my advice is not followed
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I consider other people’s wants, preferences, ideas when offering advice
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People say I’m rigid and controlling
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People describe me as flexible, respectful
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I take responsibility for other people’s feelings, actions, problems
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I make a healthy distinction between self and others
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I help out of obligation or compulsion
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Giving help is a choice
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My helping encourages dependency
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I encourage independence in helping
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BUT, BUT, BUT God tells us to help our neighbor !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, so let’s look at a Biblical, healthy example of helping; the story of the Good Samaritan. A man is robbed and left to die in the ditch. The Samaritan, on a trip, sees the injured man and stops to offer aid. He takes the man to a local facility for help. The Good Samaritan trusts others to take over, leaves the man, and continues on with his plans.
What the Good Samaritan did not do is: handle others’ needs while ignoring his own, sabotage his plans because of the needs of others, decided that he was the only one who could meet the man’s needs, require the injury man do anything in return for the help or avoid setting good boundaries with others involved.
Yes, codependency or unhealthy helping is a harmful habit. At Celebrate Recovery, you will find help in reaching a healthy combination of Galatians 6:5 (For each will have to bear his own load) and Philippians 2:4 (Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too).
